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From: TheWebPixie
Date: 10 May 2002
Time: 14:31:27
Remote Name: 172.149.207.140
Your Daily Moment of Zen (Modified to reflect contemporary wisdom):
1. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
2. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just leave me the hell alone.
3. It's always darkest before dawn.
So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
7. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
14. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.
16. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
22. We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our ass ... then things get worse .
23. You may think you have it good now, but just try to get out of here alive.
24. If things were different, things just wouldn't be the same.
25. The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed.